Sorry I am late blogging about the British election result. I was travelling, my thoughts confided to Facebook but not my blog.

What a surprise. The Tories expected to get 300 or at most 315 seats. They therefore expected Ed Miliband to form a minority government. So did he, even though Labour knew from canvassing that, as in 1992, they were doing a lot worse than the polls showed. Only Dan Hodges and Janet Daley called it right.

Thursday night, or rather Friday morning was a wonderful night, even though I know Cameron et al aren't conservatives and I am sure the country will vote in referendum to stay in the EU. Tony Blair, David Miliband, David Cameron are vindicated. Nick Clegg looks very, very foolish, as does the Labour left. But the union is in big, big trouble. 

I am very sad that Nigel Farage lost. It would be very bad for democracy if Ukip fades away. They were the heroes of the campaign but have only one MP despite millions of votes. They alone stood outside the narrow consensus which the three big parties share (though the Lib Dems won fewer votes than Ukip).

How many seats did Tories lose because countless activists left party over single sex marriage? They lost possibly forty seats lost due to the Libs reneging on their promise to review constituency boundaries, in a fit of pique after losing the referendum on the electoral system. What a shame they did lose it - AV would have been very much better. 

How many seats would David Miliband have won had he led his party? How shameful that he did not remain in the House to sit in the shadow cabinet - he would now be the obvious choice for party leader, though I thought him too a jerk.

On Thursday Ed Miliband succeeded in uniting the country. England, Wales and Scotland decided that he's useless. In the words of Gyles Brandreth: 
'The people have spoken. They don't like you.'
Politics aside, I am very pleased we have been spared Ed Miliband as leader of our country for five years, his hobbledyhoyhood on display each day. I don't mind clever, privileged wonks, if they love their country, but this one was brought up as a Marxist to think patriotism was false consciousness. He comes from a very bad family indeed and his career is a psychosexual drama to replace his father and kill his brother. 

I wonder how Miliband Major is taking the news.

Why did the Scots vote SNP? Does anyone have any idea? I'm sure it's not just about or even chiefly about independence. It's about Labour not the Tories. Scot Nats replaced Labour as left-wing party in Scotland. Why, I wonder.

Will the Scot Nat MPs largely mind their own business and rarely vote, like the Ulster Unionist MPs in Westminster before direct rule was imposed by Heath in 1972? If so, the Tories have a massive majority.

Cameron is unsatisfactory, a liberal, but so much less bad than the Lib Dems, who I hope are back to their 1960s size forever, and the Labour party. Much as I dislike the statist and illiberal Lib Dems, Nick Clegg was a very loyal and decent deputy to David Clegg and it was very decent of the Liberal Democrats to commit harikari. I wonder why they went into coalition with the Tories and agreed to fixed term parliaments. The smaller party in a  coalition, as Europeans know, always gets eaten. The tragic heroes were plucky Ukip, who failed as tragic heroes do.  

And what does the slim but famous Tory victory mean? Immigration will continue to change our country out of recognition, even though the people don't want it, but a bit more slowly than under Labour. The police state and human rights industry will continue to restrict freedom, but less oppressively than under Labour. The poor will benefit from economic growth. Despite the referendum that will now take place Britain will remain forever in the EU. This will be David Cameron's main achievement along with single-sex marriage. 

Delightful Katie Hopkins, who said she would leave the country if Mr Miliband became Prime Minister, has been preserved for the nation. That's good for democracy. She's a rare fighter for free speech and the sacred freedom to offend people and the great casuse of cheering us all up.

In case you missed it, please read this hilariously funny piece by Rod Liddle.

I saved the Ed Miliband and Nick Clegg resignation speeches until last night. A dish best eaten cold, I thought. Politicians who choose to call themselves Ed and Nick deserve to lose, I thought. (Alec Douglas-Home is a different matter.) In fact Miliband's was boring, Clegg's a bit sickening but Galloway's was good. Oh for the days when we had great MPs, like Enoch Powell, Fitzroy Maclean, Clement Freud, Nicholas Fairbairn, Gerry Fitt, Sir John Stokes, et al. 

The Duke of Wellington said that he'd never seen so many damn bad hats in his life as in the 1832 House of Commons. What would he think of this one? He'd approve of his fellow Etonian David Cameron but all those Labour wimmin and Scotchmen?

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